Body Image

In a dark theater I had an epiphany. It was like the girl on that stage was singing only to me.

Were you stacked in the fifth grade? I was. I was underweight my whole childhood. In fact, I did not reach over 100 pounds until after I turned 18. Now pair that with a big round butt and you have yourself a body image issue.

I developed before all of my friends, and most of the girls in my school for that matter. Even though I am 5’2” now, I was one of the tallest girls in my class for a couple of years. I finally talked my mother into buying me a bra because I was tired of walking around elementary school with my headlights on, but instantly regretted it. The next day was the longest day of school in my life. The bra felt like it was made out of sandpaper. At 3:00 I wrestled myself out of that thing so I could watch the Brady Bunch in peace.

I stood out. I hated it.

I was excited to start seventh grade because many of my friends had caught up with me a little in the breast and butt category. That was until I started my period the first day of school. I was barely twelve and spent most of two hours that night on my bathroom floor with the instructions from a tampon box and a panic attack. I was sweating bullets while thinking, Oh my shit. Why does that woman have her foot on the toilet? Is she flushing it with her toe? Surely not. No. Oh Hell No.

Fast forward to high school. Every morning I had to walk from my car to the school, but I passed the football training complex along the way. Invariably there would be one or two players who would yell some comment about my rear end as I walked by. You would think the clarinet case might deter some comments, but they were relentless. One day I snapped. Many of you who know me well can only imagine what came out of my mouth. They never said a word to me again.

When I was sixteen, my parents took my sister and me to New York City for a week. The mildest show on Broadway at the time was A Chorus Line. I recognized most of the songs until this short black haired woman got up there and started singing a song about how she and her body never fit together. Then she started signing about how her “assets” helped her in the long run and that curves were wonderful. She was queen of the world when she learned to show off and embrace her “Tits and Ass” as she sings in the song. I was on the tip of my seat and wide eyed with relief and amazement. I heard my parents snicker on either side of me. I saw them out of the corner of my eye glance at each other knowingly. I never looked back.

I stood out, and I loved it.


Thank you for reading my post, and I hope you feel a little better about yourself and your body!