10 reasons why Lindsey Lohan obviously did not grow up in my house

1. I grew up the youngest of four girls in Mississippi. While most girls in that part of the country were treated with kids gloves and commonly referred to as princesses, we were not.

2. Once when I was about eight my father told me to clean the kitchen and then sweep and mop the floor. I heard other kids at school talking about how they got paid to do chores around the house and they bargained to get more money. I made an attempt to drive up my wages with my father and he obliged me for a short time. He then made the remark that not getting my ass beat was payment enough. Well then, let me get that broom! My mother was out of town this particular night. If she had overheard that remark she would have beat his ass.

3. A yard service was never a luxury we encountered. My sisters and I can all mow a 3 acre yard, weed eat, edge, and remove every last blade of grass and or dirt from the front sidewalk. Never ever leave anything on that side walk or get off track on your edging. That meant we ALL had to do it over again. I don’t think dear Lindsey has ever shoveled gravel out of the back of a pick up truck either.

4. Lindsey has never been threatened with bodily harm in Kroger for not behaving.
5. Cornbread and milk. What I’m talking about here is consistency. Every Saturday night in my house was the same thing. Steak, baked potato, pear and cheese salad, and then top it all off with cornbread and milk while watching Dukes of Hazard. It wasn’t clubbing with Mom until wee hours of the morning, but it was a routine.
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6. Lindsey has never been sent to cut the okra off of the stalks because she was the shortest kid.
7. Couture was not in my Kindergarten. When I turned five I was allowed to pick out the fabric for a new dress. My mother made the dress just in time for my Kindergarten Graduation and my birthday party. She sewed in Five, yes count them FIVE, jingle bells in my slip. I know I wore my Sunday School teachers nerves to a frazzle. I know that because I distinctly remember shaking my ass nonstop for the entire thirty minutes just so I could hear all those jingles.
8. Obviously no curfew. I was told curfew was 11:00. Not 11:01 and sure as Hell not 11:05. I once replied that it sure as shit wasn’t 10:55. I really missed my car for a month after that remark.
9. This one doesn’t really apply to Lindsey, but just a FYI. When you are kissing your boyfriend goodnight at the front door, don’t push him up against the doorbell by mistake and wake up your parents because they think something is wrong and make them both run to the front door. It’s just awkward for all involved.
10. Pot roast. Every Sunday was Sunday School, (“Melanie Ann you better get up and get ready because no one needs the Lord more than you.”) Church, and then pot roast for lunch. I guess she just never had that direction instilled in her to make her see what she needed out of life. All it takes is a little structure, love, and some carrots and potatoes. Please not that my father never went to church with us because he said he liked to worship in his own way. Every Sunday he would “watch the roast”. What I really think he was doing was reading the paper in his tighty whiteys while all the women were out of the house.

Lindsey has made the remark that no one understands how hard it is to live the Hollywood life and always have people make comments about you behind your back. She says the audition process is horrible because it causes extreme stress when you know that people do not choose you for certain reasons.

Evidently she has never been through RUSH.

This Kappa Delta thanks you for reading her blog. I hope you feel better about yourself. At least you aren’t headed to jail.