Who is this hooker and why do we all try desperately to be just like her? I would like a job description because I have some questions I would like answered. I think I might possess a few of the qualifications but I need some clarification. Here they go -
Does superwoman accidentally ever take the cat to work? She snuck in my car so I had to turn around when I heard meowing in the office parking lot. I took her back home and then gently but firmly explained to the cat that she could not go to work with me since she had important stuff to do at the house. She showed me she understood by killing a squirrel that afternoon and leaving the carcass on the welcome mat. We all show love in different ways. The cat is better at showing love than me.....
Does superwoman react well in stressful situations? If her husband breaks his nose with an exercise band while on vacation does she immediately tend to his wounds with Florence Nightingale efficiency and patience? Or does she scream, "Get off the rug!" because her mother paid for the condo and if she loses her deposit because of blood all over the rug everyone will hear about it?
If superwoman's husband has two black eyes due to the exercise band incident, would she say it was because she beat his ass when he talked back? Perhaps. We all show love in different ways.
Does the bank call superwoman at home and ask for the canister from the drive thru to be returned? Again?
Has superwoman ever clogged an entire parking garage? Was she at a cheer competition in Shreveport and, with 75 cars behind her, insert her card in order to have the bar lifted only to find the machine has suddenly jammed? Does superwoman get out of her car(which is covered in Arkansas Razorback flags and stickers), wave politely to all the pissed off people behind her, and proceed to shake the machine until it raises the bar so she can escape? Does this entire process take superwoman 15 LONG minutes?
Do superwoman's children supply havoc in grocery stores? Has her toddler son ever taken down an entire marshmallow display in Albertsons the day before Thanksgiving? Did her son jump back in the big blue butterfly cart with a lone marshmallow in his mouth and act like nothing happened? Did superwoman beautifully handle the situation by crying because she was 8 months pregnant and pushing 200 pounds? Maybe.
I am willing to bet superwoman's children are banned from talking about farting at the dinner table. They are also banned from farting at the dinner table since at one point it had become a problem. Every once in a while does superwoman have to leave the table because one of the potty humor jokes was so funny she had to quietly laugh in the kitchen? I doubt it.
I guess none of this really matters. I hear that when you reach 40 you quit wanting to be superwoman and focus on being happywoman instead.
That hooker needs to hurry up.
Thank you for reading my post, and I'm sure this made you feel better about yourself.
