Thursday, November 10, 2011

Picture Perfect II

I am doing data entry at work today until my eyes are blurring. This is what I do on my lunch break so I can kick it through the rest of the afternoon. These are pictures I take that make me laugh. I hope they do the same for you.


This is what happens every morning at my house. The dog pulls my towel off the rack with his teeth and then lays his little dog body all over it. Who needs a towel warmer???


Priorities


I constantly have a lens missing from my sunglasses. Why? I have no clue.


So we are doing a historic restoration of a home in town and we repaired all the holes in the original 1904 facade. Evidently the pigeons who were hanging out in there are pissed. They have chosen to protest by SHITTING NONSTOP on the outside of the building.


And running into windows. I am guessing this is the pigeon mafia equivalent of a horse head on your pillow.


Winning


When I run these races, I have a friend who always tells me to give her my race shirt. Really? The last race I bought her a visor since there was no way in hell I was giving her my shirt. I still haven't given it to her. That's what friends are for.


I am a grown, educated, professional woman who laughed for a good five minutes straight at this box in the store. Yes it is a chocolate laxative called "smooth move".
Winning.


AERODYNAMIC


Remember that time I pulled the jet ski behind my minivan? I suddenly feel so much better after seeing the Lincoln Town Car pulling a trailer full of trash.


Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams.


"And then I had to go all Marie Antoinette up on her ass in the parking lot!"

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Young and the Restless

Last week I took Monday off from work to rest and recuperate from working all weekend. Actually I was very tired and cranky so my office staff suggested I go home. I spent the day rolling in and out of sleep and had a major revelation – Daytime Television is CRAP.

It was nothing but people yelling and screaming at each other and trying to see who can act the trashiest. When I was a child at home we watched real television with some artistic flair – Young and the Restless.

If you are not familiar with the show, let me explain its importance to our family as a child. When school was not in session my mother would wake us up with the warning that we had to get up and “hit it”. “Hit it” meant we had to clean the house before 11:00 when the Young and the Restless came on the tube. You better be wrapping it up by the time the wheel was spun for the final Showcase Showdown.

I have vivid memories of my mother getting on the couch with me watch the Abbotts create make up at Jabot Cosmetics. Poor Ashley Abbott was always working in that damn lab brewing up some kind of perfume, but never really seeming to make any headway. It was all blue and I bet it smelled horrible.

I will never forget seeing Katherine Chancellor walking around in a BURKAH for about a year for no apparent reason. And then her son married some chunky little half skank named Nina who snarled at everyone. No one could ever forget Victor and Nikki. They evidently had super hero kids or something because when I finished third grade they were small preschool children. When I started fourth grade, those fools were adults! Amazing!

When I would watch Young and the Restless with my grandmother and aunts in Florida at the garage beauty shop, they would stay completely silent all through the show and then debate like scholars during the commercial break. After the “alleged incident” and the beauty parlor got shut down, we watched Young and the Restless on my grandparents sun porch…with all the same people. My grandfather would say he didn’t like it that all those women coming into his porch around his recliner and watching what he referred to as, “that ole mess”. If there was a heated discussion about Jill Abbott or if Victoria was really Victor’s baby he would argue vehemently that Victor was getting the wool pulled over his eyes and that Jill was just using that poor old boy for his money. Pretty good argument for someone who doesn’t watch that ole mess.

When I had my first child I stayed at home and soon began settling into a routine. I turned on the tube to Young and the Restless after being away from it for many years. Low and behold it was the same shit! The only thing that was different was that Nikki was acting like this fancy matriarch of the family. I think she has forgotten that Victor dragged her straight off the pole.

I have never watched the Young and the Restless again. Sad but true. I spend my time working, raising my children, talking to my husband, and watching a historically based miniseries on PBS that has everyone in these strange love triangles with all of them fighting over money and stabbing each other in the back. Daughton Abbey. I love it. Hell I even have the app on my phone.

Thank you for reading my post, and I hope you feel a little bit better about yourself.
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