Would all of my friends vote for me if I ran for public office? Probably not.
Do I vote for Sarah Palin? No. Let me explain myself -
I love Sarah. If I lived in her hometown I bet we would run together and be good friends. I understand about changing jobs and education while you have children. I also understand how hard it is to see your children being hurt.
I happen to not agree with her politics. I do not think that her beliefs about government make her a bad person, and I wonder why some people want to crucify other humans for differing beliefs. I have many buddies who believe the exact opposite of what I believe. Last November we told our best friends to hurry up and get in line to cancel out our votes as the courthouse was crowded. Sometimes politics are some of the most important ideals in your life. Sometimes they are the least.
Many of you read these blogs because they make you laugh, and I'm glad I can put a giggle in your day. Would you all vote for me? Probably not. I admire Sarah for her spunk and wit. She kind of reminds me of Jane Fonda in that way. It is a "Bring it On" attitude that I love in women.
Then there it that idiod Levi. What an ass. No one should attack a family in private in order to advance a selfish agenda. This loser does it in public and in the media just so he can promote himself. The worst for me was the fake engagement. Did he really put her in a spot where Bristol thought he was in love with her only to break her heart? I know the words, "but mom I know he loves me" were said in the Palin house. Of course mom probably knew what was going to happen. She also knew how bad it would hurt her daughter. I am sure she feels guilty about working and being in the spotlightt, and I am sure wonders if some of this is her fault. We are mothers. Guilt is just part of the ride.
When Sarah asks me for her vote, I say no. If she ever asks me to help put Levi in his place, I'm all in on that one.
Sarah - Remember the movie 9 to 5? Watch it. I call dibs on Dolly Parton. I own that one. You can have Jane.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Nakedness
My oldest daughter is now demanding that no one see her while she is changing clothes. I know she is growing up, but it seems a little odd to me. She went through a phase when she was two where she wanted to be naked all the time, including when I would answer the door of our house. The other kids are the same way. My son once showed his wee wee to the little girl next door – for no apparent reason. My youngest would kick her panties off and then scream, “I NAKED!”
They come by it honestly. I am a big fan of naked. My husband used to ask me what I wanted to do on a given night or weekend. My reply was always, “Get naked”. He eventually quit asking, but I do kick off my panties and scream, “I NAKED” on occasion.
On our honeymoon we stayed at a resort which had an optional nude beach. The resort also had weddings. Common sense would tell you the two should not go together. Evidently someone did not get that memo as there was a naked wedding while we were on our vacation. The entire wedding party (including the parents) wore nothing but a smile. To top it all off, these dumb sons a bitches took pictures. FAMILY pictures.
Too much of a good thing? I vote yes.
We all have certain experiences with nakedness which we would rather forget. Partial nakedness can be traumatic as well. I run down State Line Avenue quite often as it is a large road with good sidewalks. Many mornings I am the only person on those sidewalks, but there are a few homeless people walking up and down the street. On one such morning I was doing my usual run when I saw a homeless man coming toward me on the sidewalk. I had seen him many times before and we always wave as we pass. He was wearing his usual t-shirt and extremely large shorts held up by a belt. He is oblivious to the fact that his shorts are unzipped. Evidently he had also forgotten to add underwear to his ensemble. For those of you who have a hard time following along – this dude’s dick is in plain view and it is coming my way. My thoughts were as follows:
1. Well there is one mystery solved. It does all turn grey.
2. EEEEWWWWW.
3. Do not look it in the eye.
We passed each other on the sidewalk with no issues. I felt so embarrassed for him. I understand how it feels to humiliate yourself in public. But then I realized that guy doesn’t give a rats flying fat ass if he was partially naked. He eats out of dumpsters and craps in a ditch by the graveyard. He has bigger fish to fry. We all do. It is just nakedness.
Thank you for reading my post. I hope you feel a little better about yourself.
They come by it honestly. I am a big fan of naked. My husband used to ask me what I wanted to do on a given night or weekend. My reply was always, “Get naked”. He eventually quit asking, but I do kick off my panties and scream, “I NAKED” on occasion.
On our honeymoon we stayed at a resort which had an optional nude beach. The resort also had weddings. Common sense would tell you the two should not go together. Evidently someone did not get that memo as there was a naked wedding while we were on our vacation. The entire wedding party (including the parents) wore nothing but a smile. To top it all off, these dumb sons a bitches took pictures. FAMILY pictures.
Too much of a good thing? I vote yes.
We all have certain experiences with nakedness which we would rather forget. Partial nakedness can be traumatic as well. I run down State Line Avenue quite often as it is a large road with good sidewalks. Many mornings I am the only person on those sidewalks, but there are a few homeless people walking up and down the street. On one such morning I was doing my usual run when I saw a homeless man coming toward me on the sidewalk. I had seen him many times before and we always wave as we pass. He was wearing his usual t-shirt and extremely large shorts held up by a belt. He is oblivious to the fact that his shorts are unzipped. Evidently he had also forgotten to add underwear to his ensemble. For those of you who have a hard time following along – this dude’s dick is in plain view and it is coming my way. My thoughts were as follows:
1. Well there is one mystery solved. It does all turn grey.
2. EEEEWWWWW.
3. Do not look it in the eye.
We passed each other on the sidewalk with no issues. I felt so embarrassed for him. I understand how it feels to humiliate yourself in public. But then I realized that guy doesn’t give a rats flying fat ass if he was partially naked. He eats out of dumpsters and craps in a ditch by the graveyard. He has bigger fish to fry. We all do. It is just nakedness.
Thank you for reading my post. I hope you feel a little better about yourself.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The Tired Diver
Wanted to give a few highlights from our trip to St. George for two weeks.
We are from Arkansas – When we load up a car, we load up a car. We had the suburban packed to the gills, a car topper on the roof, a canoe on a trailer in the back, a kayak tied on top of the canoe, assorted bikes and other large items crammed in between the canoe and kayak, and my husband’s large fishing cart strapped onto the top of the car in front of the carrier. Not exactly aerodynamic. I am sure dogs started barking three minutes before we entered into each town because of the loud whistling noise that fishing cart made. We have a Razorback on the front of our car which identifies us as Arkansans. As if people would not have gathered that by looking at the Grapes of Wrath getup we were driving. We need no introduction.
Tired diver – Hubs and I wanted to learn to dive on this trip. After completing our classroom work, we spent an afternoon in the pool going over emergency drills. Some of the drills were about what to do if you run out of air underwater and how to rescue a tired diver. That meant I had to pull (drag) my 200+ pound husband in full scuba gear across the length of the pool. At one point I yelled at him and told him he was supposed to be a tired diver, not a BITCHY one. I added I was doing my best and if he didn’t like it I would let his ass drown next time. That poor instructor.
I know this is hard to believe, but I had a hard time standing up underwater. The book said diving was about taking in the underwater landscape and to be careful not to disturb the ocean floor. I stirred up silt and shit everywhere I went. I would trip over my fins, start floating off in the middle of a drill, or not be able to control where I went next. The instructor kept telling me to establish neutral buoyancy and to control my movements so I could glide through the water. I told him to not hold his breath. Evidently awkwardness translates easily in the water as well.
Shortcut – My husband, in his infinite wisdom, chose a shortcut to get us home from our diving lesson. He feels he can sniff out a good shortcut and thinks he is James Bond with his phone GPS.
Chad: Boy there is not a lick of traffic on this shortcut I found!
Me: That’s because it’s a damn dirt road! Not even gravel, just DIRT! People don’t usually take a logging road to work!
That makes up for the time when my shortcut around Nashville abruptly ended when the road ended. It took us 2 hours to loop back around. Evidently construction was not finished, but it looked good on the map…
Scallops – This was the highlight of our trip. We took a boat out to a shallow area where the scallops like to grow, and the captain described to us what we were looking for. He gave each of us a bag to fill. It takes all of us a little time to find the scallops, except for my father in law. He had a full bag in about fifteen minutes…of the wrong thing. I don’t know what he had in the bag but they were probably some endangered species of which there are only 100 left, and he had 99 in a bag ready to fry.
I snorkeled for two hours picking each one of these scallops out of the water and putting them in my bag. I even held the top of my bag closed so I could be sure none of them escaped. My husband grabbed my bag as soon as we started climbing back onboard so I could take off my fins and not fall down. This ain’t his first rodeo. I noticed that every time he would move my bag a couple of scallops would fall out. Why? Because there was a big hole in the bottom of my bag! Of course there was a hole in the bottom of my bag. Is there a one armed man around here too? I can just see the line of scallops escaping out of my bag… No wonder I was finding them so easily, they were the ones that had just escaped from my bag. I probably caught the same 30 all day long.
As always, thank you for reading my post, and I hope this makes you feel a little better about yourself.
We are from Arkansas – When we load up a car, we load up a car. We had the suburban packed to the gills, a car topper on the roof, a canoe on a trailer in the back, a kayak tied on top of the canoe, assorted bikes and other large items crammed in between the canoe and kayak, and my husband’s large fishing cart strapped onto the top of the car in front of the carrier. Not exactly aerodynamic. I am sure dogs started barking three minutes before we entered into each town because of the loud whistling noise that fishing cart made. We have a Razorback on the front of our car which identifies us as Arkansans. As if people would not have gathered that by looking at the Grapes of Wrath getup we were driving. We need no introduction.
Tired diver – Hubs and I wanted to learn to dive on this trip. After completing our classroom work, we spent an afternoon in the pool going over emergency drills. Some of the drills were about what to do if you run out of air underwater and how to rescue a tired diver. That meant I had to pull (drag) my 200+ pound husband in full scuba gear across the length of the pool. At one point I yelled at him and told him he was supposed to be a tired diver, not a BITCHY one. I added I was doing my best and if he didn’t like it I would let his ass drown next time. That poor instructor.
I know this is hard to believe, but I had a hard time standing up underwater. The book said diving was about taking in the underwater landscape and to be careful not to disturb the ocean floor. I stirred up silt and shit everywhere I went. I would trip over my fins, start floating off in the middle of a drill, or not be able to control where I went next. The instructor kept telling me to establish neutral buoyancy and to control my movements so I could glide through the water. I told him to not hold his breath. Evidently awkwardness translates easily in the water as well.
Shortcut – My husband, in his infinite wisdom, chose a shortcut to get us home from our diving lesson. He feels he can sniff out a good shortcut and thinks he is James Bond with his phone GPS.
Chad: Boy there is not a lick of traffic on this shortcut I found!
Me: That’s because it’s a damn dirt road! Not even gravel, just DIRT! People don’t usually take a logging road to work!
That makes up for the time when my shortcut around Nashville abruptly ended when the road ended. It took us 2 hours to loop back around. Evidently construction was not finished, but it looked good on the map…
Scallops – This was the highlight of our trip. We took a boat out to a shallow area where the scallops like to grow, and the captain described to us what we were looking for. He gave each of us a bag to fill. It takes all of us a little time to find the scallops, except for my father in law. He had a full bag in about fifteen minutes…of the wrong thing. I don’t know what he had in the bag but they were probably some endangered species of which there are only 100 left, and he had 99 in a bag ready to fry.
I snorkeled for two hours picking each one of these scallops out of the water and putting them in my bag. I even held the top of my bag closed so I could be sure none of them escaped. My husband grabbed my bag as soon as we started climbing back onboard so I could take off my fins and not fall down. This ain’t his first rodeo. I noticed that every time he would move my bag a couple of scallops would fall out. Why? Because there was a big hole in the bottom of my bag! Of course there was a hole in the bottom of my bag. Is there a one armed man around here too? I can just see the line of scallops escaping out of my bag… No wonder I was finding them so easily, they were the ones that had just escaped from my bag. I probably caught the same 30 all day long.
As always, thank you for reading my post, and I hope this makes you feel a little better about yourself.
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