I spent my first weekend alone in 15 years this past weekend. I know that sounds like a long time, because it has been. Granted I have been away on business trips alone, but I have always had trainings and dinners to attend. I have been on girl’s trips occasionally, but never all alone somewhere overnight. What gives this special meaning to me is the week leading up to the big trip, and how it showed me I needed to do this more often.
Monday – I lost a child and my purse for a harmless amount of time. Luckily it was an older kid and she was simply misplaced. Also lucked out on the purse as it was at the gym. The sad part was it took me about an hour to realize I had lost both.
Tuesday – I get called to the elementary school for a special parent teacher conference. I am thrilled we have been sending our son to a tutor for handwriting, since he was signing my name to some bad papers.
Wednesday – When I grow up and become rude and cranky I want to work at Hancocks. Evidently that’s where you go when you get old and pissy.
Thursday - I cannot run due to an injury, and it is making me crazy. If I were a meth addict I think I could better handle detox than not run. I have a lot on my mind and need to get out there, but instead I have to try other things. Other things like hot yoga (which I love), overeating, and being pissy like I work at Hancocks seem to help me pass the time.
Friday – I suddenly feel like I’m in a panic because I am afraid of going REDRUM up there all by myself for the weekend. I start thinking about how much time I devote to family and others and wonder if I am actually hurting everyone else by not taking care of myself. I start thinking about what on earth I will do when everyone leaves for college and I am all alone. Then I look at the clock and realize I have forgotten yet another kid. Not lost, just forgotten. And that is SOOOOOO much better.
I leave after yoga and haul ass to Mountain Harbor on Lake Ouachita. As soon as I check in I take a long hot shower and jump on the bed like I’m Pretty Woman and I’ve just landed a bunch of money and piano sex from Richard Gere for a week. I don’t turn on the TV. I don’t call anyone or get on facebook. I just close my eyes. I wake up four hours later shivering because I’m on top of the covers and still have wet hair. I get under the covers and pass out.
The next morning I do not wake up to an alarm, husband, or kid. No, I wake up at the ass crack of dawn all on my own. The one time I can sleep late I am wide awake. So I venture off to the little restaurant at the resort for what I am certain will be a quiet breakfast since it is the off season.
I walk into what looks like a screening for Magic Mike. Women are everywhere. I finally start to put two and two together and realize this is opening weekend of deer season. You can’t stir the slightly hungover middle aged women in here with a stick. I am reminded of my friend who is a mother to twin boys. She says that sometimes it is just so nice to have a weekend where no one wants to show you their wee wee. There is not a wee wee to be found in this place. I find a table in the corner and lose myself in my Kindle…..and open it up to a book about wee wees. (it was about men in general, but I have a strong suspicion they all have wee wees)
That afternoon I venture to the spa. I am so damn excited about being there I arrive 30 minutes early. After my face, hands, and feet are all polished and pretty, I sit by the little waterfall and wait for John. John is the man who will give me my fireside heated stone massage. Turns out John is smaller than me. I don’t think John is missing out on deer hunting or any other outdoor activity for that matter. I follow him to the room and wonder how he can work out any muscle in my body. When he starts to tell me the whole blablabla about how he will leave the room while I remove my robe and slip under the sheet, I throw the robe off and jump under the sheet sporting my lime green hanes her way briefs. Just tend to your rocks in that crock pot John. This ain’t my first rodeo. I AM READY.
I am so relaxed for the rest of the weekend I am in heaven. I slept that night all rolled up like a burrito. I was hot, but I loved every minute of it. You might think I learned a few think about myself or had some type of epiphany. I didn’t self evaluate for shit. I ate some great food, had a massage, and slept.
And I need to do that more often.
