The Dance

Tonight is my oldest daughter’s first middle school dance. She is going with a group of girls, all of which are terrified a boy will ask them to dance. Being the caring mother I am I gave her a few lessons on how to dance. Let me give a few examples of my dancing skills.

My sister Jamie taught me dance moves before my first middle school dance, hence the root of the problem. Not really, but close. In college I loved to dance, I just wasn’t good at it. When my girlfriends and I would talk about what we were going to do on a given weekend, I would always throw out the option of going dancing. They always came up with some excuse. When I would go out of town for the weekend, those bitches would dance every night.

When the “Elaine Dance” Seinfeld first aired, my phone rang off the hook.

I once won a Macarena dance contest in college. Not because of my dancing skills but because my short knit A- lined dress had static cling. That meant every time I did my little jump and turn a portion of my big white granny panties peeked through.

I define hot.

Like I said, I love to dance; I am just not good at it. My daughter and I were in T.J. Maxx a few months ago when a good song from my college days came on the loudspeaker. I started to do a little dance. Not a big one, more like a wiggle. My daughter squealed, “Mamma stop! You are embarrassing me!” Oh really. I understand her age and that she is entering the phase in which children become embarrassed by their parents. “Oh, I’m embarrassing you!” It was then that I pushed my cart away and proceeded to do the Running Man in the middle of the discount store isle. I dropped it down. The younger two children thought it was great and began doing some of the other dance moves I have passed on to them. After the blood returned to her face my daughter went to go look at bathmats or something.

I think I nipped that in the bud.

Thank you for reading and I hope you feel a little better about yourself.