Treat me bad

Wednesday was a long day. I started out receiving a sweet message about Amanda which made me cry so hard I couldn’t finish eating my fiber one bar. I also knew I had a meeting with the biggest self absorbed prick to make a pitch that afternoon as well. Then top it all off with my oldest daughter was still dealing with being called fat by another kid over the weekend. My motherly instinct was to go beat up this kid and perhaps threaten to set he and his family on fire (that one’s for you Jennie), but instead I told her a phrase which I have not mastered myself. A person only treats you bad if you let them.

The whole morning reminded me of a story when Andy bought the kids hamsters for Christmas including a labyrinth of tunnels and cages. It was great except for the one named Tex was an escape artist that hissed nonstop at Amanda. One night she is home by herself and Tex proceeds to escape from the cage and supply havoc in the perfectly appointed house. He hisses at Amanda, chews on furniture, claws up her drapes, and SHITS ALL OVER HER CARPET. I have such a wonderful picture in my head of her skinny ass in a nightgown with a broom chasing that glorified rat all over her house in the middle of the night. She said he wouldn’t get the best of her. He didn’t. A few months later Tex was found in the pool drain. She said it was an accident.


We all know the type of man I met with to ask for money. He looks me up and down like a piece of meat and then makes pansy little comments about what all he can do for me and how wonderful he is to the world. I usually just sit there and act sweet and do my job to the best of my abilities. Wednesday I said to hell with that. I put on a pair of heels that looked like I could make him use his orange AND red safe words. I pulled the rest of me together and forgot about what people told me about him probably saying no to me this year. I pulled into the parking lot, slammed my car door, and pounded my heels across the pavement while listening to the sweet sound of my ego swelling.


I walked in there and proceeded to shit on his carpet. I had a smartassed reply for every comment he made. I even smiled at the son of a bitch. I leaned forward in my chair and asked for more money…..and I got it.


Now before you say I played the girl card and used my sexiness to get money out of someone please remember I spent two hours stuck behind a dryer and once sprained my foot while attempting to do the electric slide in my office while wearing high heeled boots. Erin Brockovich I am not.


Also he didn’t see me turn my ankle and bust my ass in the parking lot after the meeting. I didn’t let him treat me bad…