Fear

I love running in my neighborhood. That being said, I have some jacked up neighbors.

This morning I am running along my street in the predawn silence when I see a lighted attic window in one of the houses. Upon closer inspection I see an elderly couple dressed in clothes from the 1920’s. They are staring out the window while other white haired people are standing next to them. I try not to believe in ghost because it is not “biblical”. Neither is having a heart attack in the middle of the damn street.

That immediate stomach dropping/ gasping for air / piss yourself inducing/ legs turning to jello fear is a very real feeling in my life. I distinctly remember feeling it as a teenager once when I was sneaking back into my house only to see my father standing there waiting for me.

 On a side note, my father had four daughters. In front of all of our windows were huge thorny bushes. I became quite the acrobat while training my body to arch around the thorns in order to go hang out with my friends. Seriously, I was doing some Cirque du Soleil shit. Take that Jim.

I have plenty of fear in my life. I fear my children might have a life altering accident and I will wish the rest of my life it had happened to me. I fear running out of money. I fear that people hate me. Hell, I fear I might catch one of those freaky diseases that cause you to have those huge skin tags all over your face and body. Like that guy on the Discovery Channel that looks like a circus act with the huge swelling and flaps. I guess I am afraid I might wake up one morning, look in the mirror and say, “Well Shit”.

I am also good at conquering my fears. Swimming, flying, talking to people I do not know, eating oysters, zip lining, and letting people touch my feet just to name a few. I also have anxiety due to my fears. I have learned to use trust and belief as a way to conquer these daily fears and to relieve my stress. I also take medication.

I know it is my deep spiritual beliefs that kept me from chewing out those neighbors for putting mannequins in their attic. This morning I screamed, “Jesus!” Not because I was taking the Lord’s name in vain, but because I was in serious need of him to show up. As in there was only one pair of footprints in the sand because I WAS CARRYING YOU!!!!!!

If I do ever go down there and give them a piece of my mind it will not be pretty. It will be one pair of daisy dukes and a tube top short of House Wives of Miller County. I will be about 6 beers in and I might even bring Lacy. And Caroline….

Looks like I have plans for tonight!